Wednesday, July 16, 2014
8 Hours in Waiting Room & Ready to Convert
As hour upon hour of waiting crept by, my thoughts turned to the obscure, surreal ones that seem to float into me whenever I am plunked down into the medical environment. One of these was a real epiphany.
I know now why everyone wants to be a vampire or some similar supernatural creature which makes up the right and left sides of the above image. The reason we love these creatures is that they don't need doctors or hospitals or health insurance or medicare or AARP. They don't even plan on dying or at least not for a couple hundred more years.
This desire has overtaken the entertainment industry and its fans so that vampires, werewolves, zombies, witches, et al have dominated film and tv for decades with no end in sight. Two of the hottest at the box office male movie stars in the past fifteen years are Daniel Radcliffe as the wizard to end all wizards, Harry, and Robert Pattinson as the vampire Edward. Following in their wake are all the other top earning stars of the last decade or more who have also picked their potentially immortal creature of choice for movie after movie.
While the rest of us have our retinas scar or detach, one of these guys just waves a wand or bares a fang and his problems are over. This is true no matter what the problem is. And doesn't that beat the heck out of getting your eye cut into, sewn up and then patched?
Our problems are such a drag. We have to drive in our gas guzzling, ready to disappear from the firmament automobiles. By contrast, Daniel-Harry flies around on a broomstick up in the sky or Edward-Robert moves like a bat through the night. They don't need gasoline. They don't need the Middle East. They are impervious to terrorists. Closed off from this kind of supernatural life they enjoy, we feel just one oil tanker away from returning to a horse and buggy as a lifestyle.
They've even muddied the rules in all of these films and tv shows so that now vampires wander around in sunlight and zombies recover so much as to act like they are alive without running into any of the perils of being alive (like medical treatment, weakness, debilitation and the like). Silver bullets don't even necessarily kill werewolves any more. There is now no downside to the supernatural conversion.
You hear your neighbors or friends argue about red state vs. blue state, disinvite one another from the formerly friendly backyard barbeque, yell at one another over Obamacare, post snotty messages online as conservative hating liberal or liberal hating conservative.... who in the hell wants to do any of this when you can escape all of this into supernatural creature fantasyland? Sure, I'm willing to drink that red stater's blood rather than eat his ribs!
So I finally get it. It is a complete drag being normal and mortal and anyone in his or her right mind should change over to supernatural creature status at the earliest possible opportunity. Now that I'm a convert though, how do I become a member? I'm ready. Would that it could only happen tonight before I have to wake up and repeat today all over again.