Friday, May 9, 2014
The Felix Hall of Fame & Its First Occupant
I do have to put a rule or two into effect though. Anyone can nominate a Felix for inclusion. However, you must gain your Felix's permission. I am not going to post anyone as a Felix who is unwilling to acknowledge himself or herself as a Felix. You must also include a picture of your Felix and at least a paragraph about why he or she is part of this August Society of Felixes. You can nominate yourself as a Felix too.
Today I will present the first Felix to enter the Hall of Fame. This is my husband, Jim, whom you have previously met in my entry about driving the senior husband to surgery. It was my sister Dianna who first conferred this title upon him around the time we got married.
Likewise, with his food he was convinced that the only people who could cook were his mother and himself. Then, when the three of us lived together, he amended that to include only himself. His list of foods he will not touch is inviolate, of course. And he hand washes all dishes himself plus filters all of our water, with emergency water stored on the closet floor in huge jugs.
He will wear only cotton and linen with an occasional piece of wool thrown in plus no one can launder his clothes but him. He drove his mother crazy with special requests for pockets and pajama bottoms when she was home sewing. If staying in a hotel, he will pull off the bedspread, fold it up perfectly and store it in the closet, not to be used until he has checked out, because he can't stand synthetics near his skin.
For condo gardening, he made himself a perfect tote bag with its own special compartments for each and every garden tool. When he noticed the hideously inadequate garden tote our friend and neighbor Rebecca used in the plot next to him, he built her one as well so he no longer had to look at hers.
When I was going through chemo he was in charge of the chemo fanny pack I wore for three days at home every two weeks. He performed all of the readings to make sure it was infusing me properly. When I have to drink 8 glasses of laxative prep for my colonoscopy, he mixes every single glass of it, serves it and times it to make sure I'm meeting each 15 minute requisite. I have absolutely no interest in doing any of this for myself so I gladly cede these chores.
The other day we were reminiscing about the one and only time we ice skated together (while at college). I remembered struggling to make it around the rink and then taking a spectacular fall out in the middle. He remembered the perfection of the skates because of the hours he spent researching and finding them for the two of us.
I could go on and on but I think you must have the picture by now. It is, of course, a lifelong affliction. I think it is usually inherited as well, whether through nurture or nature or both. Jim believes his Dad was also a Felix and I would agree.
For all of his complaining about my slob self as an Oscar, I was the first to notice him climbing the walls if put in the company of another Felix for any length of time. They start to drive one another crazy as they nitpick everything endlessly. These days he has come to accept that he can only live with an Oscar.
I do not think that anyone is going to be interested in nominating Oscar Madisons for a hall of fame. I will accept that sole honor if no one else is interested. If I am wrong about this, please let me know and I will also have an Oscar Hall of Fame.