Friday, May 9, 2014

The Felix Hall of Fame & Its First Occupant

I am creating a Felix Hall of Fame named after Felix Unger of the Odd Couple.  This is in honor of the extraordinary amount of Felixes I find myself paired with as the Oscar Madison counterpart. I will install Felixes into my Hall of Fame here. At a later point I will mount them all somewhere where they can all be seen together online.

I do have to put a rule or two into effect though. Anyone can nominate a Felix for inclusion. However, you must gain your Felix's permission.  I am not going to post anyone as a Felix who is unwilling to acknowledge himself or herself as a Felix. You must also include a picture of your Felix and at least a paragraph about why he or she is part of this August Society of Felixes. You can nominate yourself as a Felix too.

A Felix is anyone who fits the character traits of Felix Unger of The Odd Couple. Felix is beyond fussy.  He hovers on the edge of being OCD in his fussiness. He is a nit picker of the nth degree who does everything to the sound of a perfect trumpet wail that only he can hear. If you need to study him further, he can be viewed in the movie version of that name or the television series which came afterwards.  Jack Lemmon played him in the movie and Tony Randall in the tv show.

Today I will present the first Felix to enter the Hall of Fame.  This is my husband, Jim, whom you have previously met in my entry about driving the senior husband to surgery. It was my sister Dianna who first conferred this title upon him around the time we got married.

He does not like being driven by anyone anywhere as only his own driving will satisfy him.  Not that he is crazy about anyone else on the road either. It is a good thing I am missing hearing because otherwise I would have to listen to, at full pitch, a non stop narrative about the condition of the road (potholes and such) and the perfidy of its drivers. He is infamous for shouting, "I need quiet," on the road when he is facing any perilous situation while I am trying to suggest a solution (if you want to find downtown, Jim, head towards those big buildings, not away from them).

Likewise, with his food he was convinced that the only people who could cook were his mother and himself. Then, when the three of us lived together, he amended that to include only himself. His list of foods he will not touch is inviolate, of course. And he hand washes all dishes himself plus filters all of our water, with emergency water stored on the closet floor in huge jugs.

He will wear only cotton and linen with an occasional piece of wool thrown in plus no one can launder his clothes but him. He drove his mother crazy with special requests for pockets and pajama bottoms when she was home sewing. If staying in a hotel, he will pull off the bedspread, fold it up perfectly and store it in the closet, not to be used until he has checked out, because he can't stand synthetics near his skin.

For condo gardening, he made himself a perfect tote bag with its own special compartments for each and every garden tool. When he noticed the hideously inadequate garden tote our friend and neighbor Rebecca used in the plot next to him, he built her one as well so he no longer had to look at hers.

When I was going through chemo he was in charge of the chemo fanny pack I wore for three days at home every two weeks. He performed all of the readings to make sure it was infusing me properly. When I have to drink 8 glasses of laxative prep for my colonoscopy, he mixes every single glass of it, serves it and times it to make sure I'm meeting each 15 minute requisite. I have absolutely no interest in doing any of this for myself so I gladly cede these chores. 

The other day we were reminiscing about the one and only time we ice skated together (while at college). I remembered struggling to make it around the rink and then taking a spectacular fall out in the middle. He remembered the perfection of the skates because of the hours he spent researching and finding them for the two of us.

I could go on and on but I think you must have the picture by now. It is, of course, a lifelong affliction. I think it is usually inherited as well, whether through nurture or nature or both. Jim believes his Dad was also a Felix and I would agree.

For all of his complaining about my slob self as an Oscar, I was the first to notice him climbing the walls if put in the company of another Felix for any length of time.  They start to drive one another crazy as they nitpick everything endlessly. These days he has come to accept that he can only live with an Oscar.

I do not think that anyone is going to be interested in nominating Oscar Madisons for a hall of fame. I will accept that sole honor if no one else is interested. If I am wrong about this, please let me know and I will also have an Oscar Hall of Fame.

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